This afternoon I got a letter in the mail that I won't discuss in great detail. But it did create a lot of frustration, anxiety, and of course, doubt. As I threw myself a little pity party and felt bad for my situation, I decided to go back to my devotional that I read this morning, in Sarah Young's "Jesus Calling". This morning as I read the devotional for March 16th, I wondered how or if it would even tie into my day, and again, just as I doubted that Wednesday nights sermon would tie into my life, I also doubted today's devotion would too.
But then, God decided it was time to prove me wrong. He's pretty good at doing that.
Today's devotional was:
"It is good that you recognize your weakness. That keeps you looking to Me, your Strength. Abundant life is not necessarily health and wealth (this spoke straight to the situation I was in this afternoon); it is living in continual dependence on Me. Instead of trying to fit this day into a preconceived mold, relax and be on the lookout for what I am doing. (again, speaking right to me and how my day turned out) This mind set will free you to enjoy Me and to find what I have planned for you to do. This is far better than trying to make things go according to your own plan. Don't take yourself so seriously (God knows me well on this one!). Lighten up and laugh with Me. You have Me on your side, so what are you worried about? I can equip you to do absolutely anything, as long as it is My will. The more difficult your day (this afternoon was a little rough), the more I yearn to help you. Anxiety (read first paragraph of this post) wraps you up in yourself, trapping you in your own thoughts. When you look to Me and whisper My Name, you break free and receive My help. Focus on Me, and you will find Peace in My Presence.
I found so much comfort in those words, and knowing that it truly spoke to what I was going through and feeling this afternoon. Some may say it's just luck that my situation this afternoon lined up with the devotion, but I believe, and know, that it was truly the working of God. As I went over the notes I took on Wednesday night I listened to Pandora Radio's "It is well with my soul" radio station and was moved yet again, by the words in a song by Selah called "Unredeemed".
"Life breaks and falls apart,
but we know these are places
where grace is, soon to be so amazing.
It may be unfulfilled, it may be unrestored,
but when anything that's broken is laid
before the Lord, just watch and see,
it will not be unredeemed."
So I laid my situation this afternoon before the Lord in prayer, and I gave it to Him. I gave God full control over this situation, and I am trusting that He will take care of it in a way He sees fit. I refuse to let doubt have any control, and I refuse to replace my faith with fear.